If the glove doesn't fit... you're a nitwit.

Fashionistas annoy me.

 

You know the kind. Those women who pay enormous amount of money for "cute" shoes that don't properly fit, and they can barely stand on them, much less walk on them.

 

Now, don't get me wrong. I could care less about their impending back problems, and future ankle fractures. I mean, they're the nitwits who would rather be in fashion than in comfort. No, what annoys me off is when this mind set spreads to other parts of their lives, which in a roundabout way, ends up affecting mine.

 

These kinds of people drive SUV's. These kinds of people don't know HOW to drive SUV's. But they still do, because it's in mode. 

 

They can't make a turn without taking up 2 lanes of traffic. They can't back out of a parking spot without nearly hitting other cars, old people, shopping carts and squirrels. The car is too big for them. It does not fit, properly or otherwise.

 

Then you have fat people wearing clothing that are several sizes too small. Now, I am not a thin person by any stretch of the imagination. What I am is an observant person. I observe that certain clothes come in certain sizes. There is a reason for that. 

 Certain designs only look right on certain body types. Does it upset me if I see something nice that comes not come in my size? A little at first, until I realize that there is probably a reason for it.  The item looked nice in that size, any larger it might appear to be a colorful circus tent. But some people just don't get it. They fight it, not getting the hint. They must have it because it's the fashion, regardless of the fit. So that's how we end up with Shamu walking the mall in a tube top with fleshy folds of fat trying to escape from any and all openings. Kind of hard to finish your pretzel at the food court after having been witness to that.

 

It all comes down to fit.

 

Can you hold your balance on 10 inch platform clogs, one full size too small?
No? Then buy shoes your size.

 

Are you the kind of person that can handle a big truck?
If not, you are like me. Drive a compact car. Better gas mileage too.

 

That cute little slinky dress doesn't come in a size bigger than a 2, and you're a size 14?
Look for a dress in size 14. It's that simple.

 

 

Da Lucas Code

Ok, if you don't say it, I will.

I'm tired of hearing people taut about awesome and revolutionary the Da Vinci Code is. I read the book and saw the film. I enjoyed it on the same level as any Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

I don't oppose the so called sacrilegious aspects of the story. Heck, I tend to gravitate towards alternative history theories myself. What I oppose is granting Dan Brown any sort creativity diploma.

This stuff has been researched and written about for years. Want revolutionary and incendiary? Read the "Passover Plot", digest it and then add a little bit of "Holy Blood, Holy Grail."  These "theories" have been around since the 60's. Nothing new there.

Even his whole fictional adventure aspect has been done before... ask George Lucas about Indiana Jones.  Dan Brown describes his main character in the book as "Harrison Ford in Harris tweed"-. Sounds like Professor Jones to me.

Ok... you want a truly sacrilegious story and film, Dan Brown? Pay attention, this is how it's done
:
Make your main character the product of a virgin birth, like Jesus.

Give him anger issues as a child, as the Gnostic gospels claim Jesus had.

Make him part of a religious ruling sect... Jesus again.

Now, make him marry in secret, like Jesus has done in every book since "Holy Blood, Holy Grail"

Then have him turn his back on his religion, like Jesus did to the High Priests.

Have his best friend turn on him...

Now, flip it. Make the main character EVIL! Wow! Different.

Have him have kids. Have the kids grow up and take him out.

There you go.

No, wait... That's the Star Wars Saga....

DARN YOU GEORGE LUCAS!  You've foiled Dan Brown again!

So ya... nothing new under the sun my friends.

It's just mediocrity hitting us between the eyes once again.

TAG! No one's IT.

Last week, Willett Elementary School in Attleboro, Mass., became one of four schools nationwide to ban the playground game of "tag". 

Last week, Willet Elementary School also became one of four schools nationwide to showcase their collective stupidity to the world.

Let's see, what possible reason could this school, or any others of the Anti Tag Collective have for the banning of this rite of childhood? Well, here's a list:

1. It's physically dangerous
2. It's psychologically dangerous.

That's a pretty short list, but obviously that's enough to not only ban "tag" but "dodge ball" as well.

You know, kids are pretty resilient. They fall down, they get scraped knees, they get back up and play some more. You can't learn to get up unless you fall first, you know. 

But kids will trip over their own shoelaces while sitting still, they don't need to run around chasing each out to fall down, so the "physically dangerous" excuse is bull. 

Heck, you wanna play what's dangerous in the schoolyard? How about football?  Football is physically dangerous.

Tag is running. Football is running and hitting. 

Running=good. Hitting=ouch.

And the stigma of being "It" is psychologically detrimental? Maybe it's just me, but I enjoyed being "It." You hunted down your classmates, and tagged them, hard! That's fun. But seriously, you want to talk about what is psychologically dangerous? How about a quarterback picking on a nerd everyday? Then that nerd comes back with a gun and shoots up the school.

THAT is psychologically AND physically dangerous wouldn't you say?

You want to ban dangerous school activities?

Ban FOOTBALL, not tag.

Then we can all learn to speak French and salute a white flag.

6/6/06 - The Time is NOW!

We are in The End Times.

The signs are all around, let we continue to ignore them.

Nature is revolting.
Wars are spreading.
Famine, pestilence, and poverty....

And now, the biggest sign of them all, the Antichrist has been revealed, yet we continue to ignore it.

I've read Revelation. It starts now.

It ends in December of 2012, according to the Mayan calendar... but it starts now, 6 years, 6 months before the end of times.

Open your eyes!

The Antichrist smiles, lures you into a false sense of security, introduces you to the New "Religion" of  "Science" and leads you away from the true path! 

TOM CRUISE, you sanctimonious jackass, I HAVE YOUR NUMBER!
 
IT IS SIX HUNDRED THREESCORE AND SIX! 

That, and I saw "Eyes Wide Shut", and I want my money back.

The Unwashed Masses

Florida does not host many Sci-Fi, Comic, Toy, or Pop Culture Conventions. 

It has two main ones, in Orlando: FX and Megacon. Both these shows occur about the same time, once a year. Usually around January or February.

This is unlike California or NY which seem to host one every month it seems.

Being a fan, I do not mind this. Once a year I make my trek, fill in gaps in my various collections, meet a few D-list celebrities, and on the rare occasion, get to hang out with a childhood icon. My favorite pastimes though, are dork-watching and anime catgirl-counting. My NOT-SO favorite pastime is stink-avoidance. This is what I wish to address here.


Now listen, I understand your nature. You have pasty white skin, due to your avoidance of the sun, being that you live in your mom's basement or above her garage. You are not used to being around so many people, since you spend all your time online playing WoW. That's okay. Every society needs its Morlocks.


But com'on... it's only once a year. Would it kill you to shower for your yearly trip to the surface world?
What? You say that like Samson, your entire HALO fragging l33t skills, and comic minutia reciting powers lay in your unwashed greasy long hair? To this I counter, all your no-girl getting skills also reside within that Crisco covered coif.


I know your mom buys all your stuff for you; your tighty whitey undies don't restock on their own. I bet if you checked the bathroom (that's the "Reading Room" to you) you'll see she's also stocked up on Suave shampoo hoping to get you a girl one day so she can get you the heck out of her house.  So no excuses.



Let me put this in a way you'd understand:

You're the Moleman.
You want to get with Sue Storm?
Become Reed Richards.